Parenting a child with a diagnosis can have you feeling
Overwhelmed and burned out – This is a really hard job. It is expected to feel stuck by anxiety, frustration, and intimidation at times. You may feel more irritable or using unhelpful ways to escape from the stress.
Judged – Worried about how others will see your child and family. Advice turning into feelings of criticism. The words and unspoken messages we all carry with popping up to nit pick and evaluate.
Confused – It’s like learning a new world and language you never knew existed. What to prioritize? What’s the right decision for us? Am I even getting the right information?
Isolated – Not having time for yourself and your social connections. The needs of your child narrowing the social options for your family.
Learning of a neurodivergent or physical diagnosis can create a swirl of thoughts and emotions; all of them valid and deserving.
The lives of families quickly full up with extra stressors like school meetings and doctors visits that require decisions on topics most never heard of before. Sorting through all the information is a consuming process in itself. Then the decision fatigue and second-guessing sets in. Even the little decisions may come with well meaning advice that feels like judgement or feelings of failure because you’re doing the thing that is supposed to work (but it’s not so that means you’re to blame).
Each step along the way (starting school, puberty, transition to adulthood) can realign the roles and expectations within a family. Just when you feel like you have your weeks running like a well-oiled machine the changes in life happen and what may have been helpful before is now super unhelpful. Now it feels like starting all over again and who has the energy for that.
Time to focus on oneself, a marriage, or any other relationships can take a backseat to the needs of a child. When even the “normal” things take effort and attention your battery becomes too depleted to do the things that used to recharge it. Or you may be making the conscious decision to deprioritize the areas of your life that feel “selfish” when others need you so much. When you are taking care of yourself you can give more to others. But even more importantly that that you matter.
I started volunteering and working with individuals with differing abilities nearly 30 years ago. What I came to quickly realize is we have great supports for the individual to reach their potential. They have improved greatly over that time too. The parents are left to juggle more and don’t get the same focus of needing support. You are deserving of a space for you. We’ll define what values will guide you on, and make meaning of, this journey. We can find ways to help manage the stress or make sense of the confusion. We may even explore ways to prioritize yourself and your relationships without guilt trying to convince you that you’re a bad parent for doing so.
There is no order in the world around us. We must adapt ourselves to the requirements of the chaos inste
– Kurt Vonnegut